oh god the rape fog is back!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
