I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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