yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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