Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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