i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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