i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
