conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The uberlube is also flammable
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
