Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
