textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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