Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize