Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
