I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Terrible idea I love it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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