I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
