Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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