all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
