96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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