Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
