Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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