Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
