After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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