i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Come on in and take your pants off
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