The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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