i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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