I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
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