The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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