this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
