Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize