FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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