Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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