wanna go halves on a baby?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
