this just has baby written all over it
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
