we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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