Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
