You're a womanizer and a bitch.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
