He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
