Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
