the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
