I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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