drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My feet surprised me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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