Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
