if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
