WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Come on in and take your pants off
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