Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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