Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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