we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
