Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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