Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize