have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
