exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
