You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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