Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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