Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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