you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
