It's Friday. Sex?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
