went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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