literally had 100 drinks last night.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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