Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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