Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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