Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
