Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
