shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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