There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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