R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize