I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
tell me about the fingering
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