Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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