So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
